Therapy FAQs: How to find a good therapist
Many people feel overwhelmed trying to choose the right therapist, especially if they’ve had past experiences that felt disappointing or confusing. Often, I hear clients express that they reached out to multiple therapists and did not get responses back, or that searching for a therapist on Psychology Today felt like reading the same profile over and over again. This FAQ is for anyone wondering how to begin, what to say in the first session, or what to do if something doesn’t feel quite right.
How do I find a good therapist?
What makes a “good” therapist is different for everyone, and when finding a good therapist, we want to look for therapists who highlight their areas of expertise instead of claiming to be able to do it all. When searching for a therapist it’s important to reach out to multiple clinicians who share the values that feel important to you and specifically identify their main approach, population, and set of issues they have skills working with. Explore a therapist’s website to get a feel for their tone and approach, and identify what may make that therapist trustworthy and qualified to work with you. When you decide to reach out to a therapist, pay close attention to how quickly they respond, as this can be an indicator of professionalism and responsiveness throughout your working relationship.
What should I ask in a first therapy session?
Most therapists offer a free 15 minute phone or video consultation to briefly introduce themselves, learn about you, and discuss the logistics of scheduling and availability. It may be difficult to get a good read on a therapist this way, so focus on how you feel talking to them, does the conversation flow? If there is time, you should ask about your therapist’s approach, their experience with your concerns, and what a typical session looks like. It’s also okay to ask about their values, training, or how they handle things like silence, emotion, or cultural humility. But you don’t have to come in with a list of questions, and you can always follow up if you decide to schedule that first session.
What if I don’t like my therapist?
If you go to that first therapist session and you don’t feel safe, seen, or supported by your therapist, it’s okay to name that and work through it with them, or simply move on. Therapy works best when the relationship feels aligned, kind of like you're talking to a trusted confidant or an old friend. Think about all of the people you’ve come across in life and how only a select few have turned into those amazing, fulfilling relationships. Finding the right therapist is a similar process, you may have to meet a few to find a therapeutic relationship that feels trustworthy and emotionally attuned. Switching therapists isn’t failure. It’s discernment.
What do I talk about in therapy?
After the first session you can talk about whatever feels most present for you. You don’t need a perfect timeline or a clear starting point because your therapist is trained to help you organize your experiences and goals. Typically, you and your therapist will define some big picture goals, and there is plenty of time to stop along the way and focus on something more immediate when it comes up. Often, the immediate and the big picture are more connected than you think.
Is it normal to feel worse after starting therapy?
It is not abnormal. Therapy often brings buried emotions or painful memories to the surface which can feel heavy at first. It doesn’t mean you’re backsliding or doing it wrong. Your therapist should explain this to you in their informed consent documents, and it is well known that therapy is not a linear process, it has its ups and downs. A good therapist will help you navigate these feelings gently without rushing the process.
How do I know if therapy is helping?
Progress in therapy isn’t always dramatic or immediate. Sometimes it looks like making different choices, feeling more aware of your emotions, or being kinder to yourself. You might notice you’re setting boundaries more clearly or feeling less reactive in familiar situations. Your therapist can help you track growth over time, even when it feels subtle. If something isn’t working, you should absolutely share that with your therapist so that you can come up with new strategies together. Therapy should be responsive, collaborative, and shaped by your evolving needs.
Closing Thoughts
Finding a therapist can be a massive undertaking from someone who is seeking help with disorders like depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar. When you start looking, it is important to go with your gut and know that it’s okay to meet two or three before finding the right fit. If you’re looking for a therapist who will help you meet yourself with curiosity, care, and no expectation that you already have the answers, I’d love to connect. Reach out here to learn more about starting therapy in a way that centers your experience from the very beginning.
